My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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