not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
