A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
