I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
