Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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