My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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