Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
