do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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