I like my sex mixed with concussions.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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