yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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