i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
