Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
