The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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