It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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