forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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