Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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