and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
