I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
