you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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