you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
