all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
