His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
