I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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