saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
