No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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