i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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