I feel great
I just peed on a car
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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