My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
