There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
