I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
