I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
