I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i now understand why vodka
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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