worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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