I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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