Are we in a gay sports bar?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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