I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Randomize
