Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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