So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
