he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
