He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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