why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
