I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
