ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My ass is underappreciated
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
