Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
