I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have feelings that need drinking.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
