Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
