I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
