so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
