I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
