The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
