Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Do you still have your period?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
