You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
