best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
