pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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