Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
