Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
