We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So many bounce houses so little time
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
