i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
