ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
