She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
