Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
