how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
