i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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