The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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