Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I still have a little drunk in my system
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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