we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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