pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
