if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i came on her dog
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buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
His nipple licking is glorious
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