He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
