FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
