I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There r osticjed everywhere
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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