Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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