He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
