She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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