so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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