The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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