It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
