your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
