i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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