We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
