would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
