If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
