I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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