Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
