I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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