just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
