I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
God I need to hump something, right now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
